found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
