he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
