my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
