She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
