I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
