Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
