who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
