I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
