Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
