when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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