Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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