We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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