Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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