remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
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i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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