I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
