Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
