WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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