I accidentally burped into my bong.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
