He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
