does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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