Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
