oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
