Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
