He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
