I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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