I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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