Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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