hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize