i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Will exercising make me less horny?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
