Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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