His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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