remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
