I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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