i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Someone came in the potted fern
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
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