I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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