A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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