so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
