that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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