they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dick very happy bro
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
