Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
