At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
