If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
