North Korea, Best Korea!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
