i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
