It's like God shit irony all over that family
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
