So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
