I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
