well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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