she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Even my vagina gasped.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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