Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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