This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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