Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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