Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
40s are totally the cure
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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