This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
