dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
