I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
