fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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