i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
