He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
