I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You pole danced in your parka.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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