so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
