I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
