I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
