I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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