you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
