Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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